I had a very interesting and thought-provoking conversation with a friend of mine last night about the idea of community, specifically what that means in the context of “church community”. I’ve been thinking about this all day, and am struggling to put words to my thoughts. But I shall try…

The church we attend has a variety of activities that seek to promote this idea of community. Accountability groups is one such; there are also home groups, which are planned out geographically (we are in North Suburban Chicago), and biweekly potlucks on the weekends. All of these things are great, but this is my question: Is this really “community”? Let me explain with a story.

Back in 1999, I met my best friend when I started working at a company in the Northwest Suburbs. We soon discovered that we lived near each other, and became friends. She had just left her husband, and had a three year old that was acting out against the turmoil that he had been experiencing with the disintegration of his parents’ marriage. She was trying to get on her feet so that she could support herself and her child. I was a “newborn” in the faith, having just become a believer a few short months prior to our meeting. I did not have any cutting edge strategies for reaching the “lost”; I was still very green, wet behind the ears, trying to navigate my way through what it meant to be a believer.

As I walked through the pain and heartache she was experiencing as she struggled to help her son, maintain her own emotional well-being, and earn a living, we became very close. In fact, I consider her my sister, and she would say the same about me. Our friendship deepened even more when I moved into the same apartment building. And in the process of all of this, the Lord saw fit to use me – green, wet behind the ears, newborn Christian me – to walk with her as she came to know the Lord. All of these combined experiences truly bonded us, and we became a “community” to one another.

This all changed when I moved to Atlanta in 2000. Even after I moved back to the
Chicago area in 2004, our relationship did not return to the closeness that we experienced before. Part of that had to do with the physical distance between us – we measure distance in minutes here, so the distance between us was, and still is, at least 30 minutes, not accounting for rush hour traffic patterns. This has completely altered our relationship, and it likely will remain “different” as long as that distance remains there.

The experiences I have in accountability group or house gathering or potluck do not have that same feeling. I desire the kind of intertwining I experienced as in the case of me and Adriana. The kind of intertwining that occurred there was largely the result of our willingness to be vulnerable to each other so that we could see what was really inside. But I believe that this was possible because of our physical proximity. We actually did life together – not planned, not structured – but life in all its spontaneity and unpredictability. In all its beauty and ugliness. Even in the mundane and ordinary…In fact, it was those very moments, moments that seemed mundane, ordinary, that God displayed His grace the most, and I was able to share with her the reason for my hope. This, I feel, is what is missing in what is considered “community” much of the time, even in “church community”.

It is possible to find close friendships through Internet “social networking sites”, like Yahoo 360 and myspace. I have dear friends that I have met through these sites, and the blessings that have poured into my life as a result are immeasurable. I have a friend in mind as I write this that I consider my “sister” as well – but she is in
Milwaukee and I am in Chicagoland. That daily physical presence still creates a distance that is unavoidable. When something happens to her, I cannot hop in my car and be there in five minutes to walk through it with her. If she needs someone to hug her, pray with her, and comfort her in grief, or rejoice or do the happy dance with her in her excitement, it cannot be me because I am not there.

As an aside, there is one person that I can talk to from any distance and still feel that closeness – and that is my mother. But there a bond between mother and child that I feel is different. After all, she endured great pain and suffering to get me here (and will gladly tell you about it if you ask her!). There are other possible instances where distance can indeed be bridged. But still – there’s nothing like being there. Seeing the tears or smiles, hearing the sobs or peels of laughter…Those are the things that shape and even strengthen a relationship – those shared memories of experiencing something together, in the moment, as it happens. And, as another aside, much of this is also dependent on the ability and willingness of people to open their lives to each other, to be vulnerable. But that is a subject that needs its own entry…perhaps tomorrow…

And so, this longing still goes unabated. And even in the context of “local church” in Suburbia, physical distance goes a long way in making true community - at least as I am envisioning it here – hard to come by. So, how do we bridge these distances and make community real? I am still in search of the answer to that question…